How To Bounce Back

Do you know that feeling when you feel like you’re just getting by every day?

This is what I picture my dream life as a homemaker would be —

In the mornings, I’ll burn pancakes and put too much sugar in Bobby’s coffee before he heads off to our quaint cafe for work. I’ll start doing some chores before waking up the kid/s. After everything’s done, I’ll prepare the little ones for a day of adventure — earth-schooling them so they are more in tune with the world.

During siesta time, I’ll whip out my watercolor & stationary stash so I can journal away. I’ll squeeze in some consult sessions for individuals who need help with website branding… or life coaching. At night, when Bobby gets home, I’ll have the parents and sisters over for dinner…. or maybe our friends who we can bond over food and chikka.

Once our day’s done, and we’ve put the kids back to bed again, Bobby & I will sit out our porch, tell each other about our day, and start planning our next weekend adventure. We’ll enjoy this “alone-time” — time away from the world, a time where we are in just the presence and light of the other…. until we feel sleepy, and go back to our room, cuddle and drift the night away.

Again, this is just what I had in mind. It’s ideal, but I won’t instantly achieve this…. well, not yet.

I know this entry’s going to sound so depressing, so draining. Bear with me. If you don’t want to read on, then go ahead. Close that window and go on with your lives. But if you feel like you’re feeling the same way, and no one can understand or empathize with you (at the moment, at least), then maybe you should read on a little longer.

Whatever happened to the dream, RJ? Anyare sayo? Ba’t ang lungkot mo? The million pesos question.

I find myself second-guessing every move, every decision I make because I’m too scared to leave my comfort zone. I’m not as confident as others, and I’ve always felt insecure whenever I’m surrounded by more capable people. It’s such a millennial thing to say, but seeing how my friends are — how they’re pursuing their dreams headstrong, where they are in life, and how success has been on their side. Nakakatuwa lang. Nakakainggit pero natutuwa ako para sa kanila.

This has been a bad habit of mine growing up — comparing myself to others. It’s no one’s fault. My parents always taught me to be proud of everything I’ve done. They pushed me to be better in a positive manner, and I’m thankful for all their efforts in helping me become the person I am today.

But with social media, and being surrounded by people who have done “more” has put me in a place of despair.

I dislike feeling that life’s draining me. I find my thoughts racing back & forth, thinking if I should start with my passion projects, attend more workshops (to learn about my craft), or if I should write more. At the same time, I tell myself, “But if you do that, aren’t you spending less time with family? What about Bobby? Most of all, Ynigo?” Hay. Parang di ko alam san ako lulugar, or paano ako gagalaw without feeling like I’m sacrificing one thing for the other.

I am sad. I am depressed. But it doesn’t mean I can’t be functional. That’s why I got to write this post.

After publishing some of my recent social media ramblings, I got some much feedback from my friends, colleagues, and even fellow moms. I wasn’t alone. I always knew I wasn’t, but it’s different when even the most random of people decide to confess to you about what they’re going through — to the extent of asking advice on what to do.

This is why I wanted to make The Nanay Diaries.

I want to create a space of communication for those who are probably going through the same thing. If not, I just want it to be a public diary of mine that I hope others could learn from. It isn’t just for moms…. but I am a mom, so the “nanay” stays.

 

The Nanay Diaries

Bakit nga ba ako nahihirapan sa mga shit sa life ko ngayon? I find myself asking that every day, now. But I’m not going to let myself drown in my negativity. Instead, I want to channel these feelings and make it a point that I help maybe one person in this world with whatever realizations I’ve learned.

Ang Buhay Lokal isn’t always going to be about travel, as we’ve mentioned before. We welcome the infinite knowledge that the earth provides us, and share it with everyone who is willing to learn — whether it’s about our adventures, or about difficulties we experience within the, and as a family. Thus, The Nanay Diaries.

I use the #TheNanayDiaries whenever I write personal nanay things on Instagram. I was thinking if this should be something separate or incorporated in the blog. But for now, I’ll keep it here. I don’t just want it to be a series all about myself, but I want others moms going through the same thing to relate, to learn, to share.

So, I’ve been talking to some people who’ve given me words to remember whenever I feel like this. I’m hoping these help you so that we can all bounce back from our lowest, and start working on being better versions of ourselves. Here’s some that I’ve picked up over the few weeks:

1. Don’t compare yourself especially in our world full of social media.

Social media has its ways of uplifting you. Bobby actually said in one of our discussions over the weekend, “I like how social media presents me with so many opportunities, and inspirations that are aligned with what I want to establish for us in life.”

It also has its downfalls. I admit – as much as my world revolves around social media (it’s actually my job to be updated), I see other women, other moms living the life I’ve always dreamed of. Imagine: others are pursuing further studies abroad, some are building their passion projects, and making so much money out of it. If not that, I see how other people are more privileged — having more than I will ever make even if I sell my heart and soul to attain it.

But I learned to stop and keep what Bobby said — utilize social media to your advantage. Get inspiration and motivation from it. One of my role models said,

It’s harder with social media ’cause you get to compare and tend to see more people with capabilities and money, and all that.  But always remember to ground yourself into something. My kids ground me all the time. Remember you’re luckier than many moms. You have many things that other moms only wish for.

I’m not saying I’m not content with what we have. It’s just really hard not to compare especially nowadays when people constantly update you with their lives – new shoes, new bag, attending an event, kids going to school meaning more me-time, and whatever. I’m blessed. I should remind myself that all the time.

 

2. Accept that you are on your own path.

TheNanayDiaries

If your friend is one step closer to becoming a millionaire, while you’re on the other end of the spectrum, trying to figure out what business to put up, don’t get intimidated because you are both on two separate paths. To each is her own.

You have to accept that it’s okay if you’re just writing the prologue of your life, while others are already are at their peaks. You determine your pace. If you’re on a slow, steady rate, at least you’re moving. That’s what matters — you are putting effort, time and energy, no matter how big or small, into the goals you plan to reach. You are in a flow that’s unlike any other, and that’s what makes any journey special.

Bobby & I have always struggled to accept this. We have a child together, but we feel like we’re fresh grads (technically, Bobby’s about to graduate) who are figuring out what to do with their lives. I’m currently doing digital strategy, while he’s finishing internship to complete his culinary degree. At the same time, we juggle being parents and it gets tiring. It gets hard. It gets stressful especially when we see how others are able to balance and deal with their lives “better” than we could.

 

3. Forgive yourself, even if it’s hard to do so.

I’ve always blamed a lot of life’s mishaps on myself —

If only I didn’t do….
Why did I even do that? Now, look at yourself.
Why can’t I be good enough?
I wish I could have changed…

All of these things you continue to feel sorry for yourself for is already in the past. I’m not saying to not acknowledge your mistakes, but you have to rise above them and learn from it. If you feel like there’s something you keep on doing that you want to change, instead of sulking, go change. It’s not as simple as it looks. As a mom, I find myself in situations where I wish I decided to do another thing instead of what I did. Sometimes, I look back at college RJ and tell myself, “Bakit mo ba kasi ginawa yun? Di ka nag-iisip. Tingnan mo tuloy….” But as much as I regret some of the things I’ve done, I wouldn’t become the person I am today because of those “bad” decisions.

You are YOU because of everything you’ve done. The good and the bad. It’s not wrong to make mistakes. But learn to forgive yourself. There is no sense in punishing your future for the mistakes of your past.

Forgiving yourself is a tough thing to do. Sometimes good people make bad choices, but these choices bring you to enlightenment. How do you forgive yourself? Well, there are different ways. You can start by conversing with yourself in the mirror. I know it sounds a bit retarded but it will help. Tell yourself why you’re feeling heavy, what things you can’t seem to move from, then share what you’ve learned. At the end, say “I forgive you.”

Start taking better care of yourself by doing the things that make you happy —- that make you feel alive. Learn watercolor, or go on that solo trip you’ve always wanted. Your family, your kids, and your husband will understand. At the end of your process, you’ll see a difference.

Antipolo Cathedral

Sorry for the lengthy post but I just had to get this all out. Maybe you’ll learn a thing or two from The Nanay Diaries and if you feel like you want to share anything, feel free to message us! Remember ~ don’t be ashamed of the negativity you feel. However, you need to learn how to move forward so you can see yourself on the path you’ve wanted for yourself and your family.

And me?  Once I’ve fully learned to follow my own advice, I’ll be one step closer to the life I know our little family was always destined for. 

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  • You are not alone, mothers have different experiemces. It may not be the same as yours, but always remember to pray and be open to what God wants for you . We have to lift up our struggles to the Lord and let it go. His plans are better. Take Caree Rj.

  • Aww I love this RJ and so true. Never compare yourself with anyone. You are so special in more ways than one and the people who love you know that. 🙂 Excited to see what the future holds for you and your family. Let’s world/earth-school together someday soon!! Hehe.

  • Social media right now either makes or breaks our perspectives in life. It’s up to the person itself how is she going to apply rules. So with our case, although the society pushes us most of the time para mainggit at magcompare ng sarili sa iba; we stay to the ground and be faithful to our belief. Getting a support system particularly our family is the best way to get out of this social dilemma.

    Cheers to more #nanaydiaries and looking forward to visit your blog more often!
    xxx
    http://www.luckilylenny.com

    • Thank you so much Lenny! I’m so happy you took the time to read this and visit the site! 🙂 Anyway, social media can be toxic…. really toxic but im trying to filter out and cleanse so I can retain content that I know will keep me going and inspired! Reading through your blog right now and I really admire what you do. Your adventures, your learnings and insights — all are keeping me hopeful for my tomorrow. I hope to meet you real soon!!

  • I love this post! Thanks for the reminder. I sometimes get the same feeling as well, especially when I am down. There are things that I also regret doing (or not) in life. But at the end of the day, social media is social media and all of us how our own life wishes so I just try to move on with my life as well. Nakiki #nanaydiaries. lol.

  • You’re not alone, momma! Sometimes, we moms feel like our lives are put on hold so we can raise our family. In a way, I suppose it is but it’s not forever. We’ll get there too, not just yet. And also, I agree with the dangers of social media. We really have to have a firm belief on ourself and not be affected.

  • We really need to pause sometimes to get our sh*t together because let’s face it, moms are the busiest creatures on the planet, kahit sa dreams minsan nagwowork pa rin ako. I find serenity in reading your post Mommy RJ, i feel you! I’ve been there, more than once and when it comes naman to social media – happy din ako for my friends’ success in life, aside from genuinely being happy for them, I try NOT to compare my situation to them. Kanya-kanya kasi tayo ng struggle and everyone is unique naman. Hooray for Nanay Diaries! <3 <3 <3

    • Hi Gerilen! 🙂 Thank you so much for saying your words and showing here a part of YOU! Comparing is something natural for me, in a weird way, but instead of looking at it as “Mas maganda buhay nila sa akin”, I see it now as “Well, I’m happy with what I have. I’ll strive harder nalang.” 🙂 Hope to see you soon dear!!

  • Hey RJ! I relate to this, every single thing, on a spiritual level! So you’re not alone! Don’t be so hard on yourself; you’re doing GREAT. The beauty of social media is that you are in control and you can choose what to see: unfollow what drags you down, follow what lifts you up. You might not exactly love where you are right now – I don’t, too, TBH – but wouldn’t it be a lot more depressing if we already peaked in our 20s? 😀

  • Awww… * virtual hug* I feel you momshie. I’m not sure if you’re having a post-partum depression just like I had experienced. My daughter is now more than 2 years old, but there are times that the depression’ keep on coming back. Pareho tayo, sometimes I’m comparing myself to others, I grew up always pleasing everyone. I am now a SATM(from working mama) and it was a tough decision, I told myself that it’s about time to choose my priority and that’s my daughter – my family. We have different challenges but we are all “NANAYs”. You are one of best mommy bloggers I’ve known since I’ve became a member of MBP, I’m telling you darling’ no need to compare yourself to others because you are simply the best. 🙂

  • Hi Mommy Roselle! I’m also having negative thoughts from time to time. And just like you, I have an ‘ideal’ world that I’d like to look forward to everyday. But it won’t be happening anytime soon. I have a kid with special needs and I’m currently not [personally] financially stable. So you see, we have our own hurdles and difficulties. Just think of the people who don’t even have a single pair of shoes. Diba mas kawawa sila. Cheers and hugs from me to you!

  • You are definitely not alone. I’ve been in your shoes in the past. But once I realized that I’m missing out on the good things in my life by dwelling on the not-so-nice things, I decided to change my perspective on life. It’s a decision you have to constantly make especially when you start comparing your life to others. I hope that you’ll be able to follow your own tips soon. 🙂 This too shall pass.

  • Great tips. I can relate to the feeling of just getting by every day. It’s not a good feeling but we all come to a point in our lives when we are overwhelmed with negative thoughts and emotions. What’s important is how you deal with it. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story of yours.

  • It’s pretty funny that the people who have awesome insights to something are the ones that are hard pressed to follow their own advice. I totally get it,and to be honest I too just try to live one day at a time because I get scared if I think too much about my future, my goals, and as my husband says, my mind is my own worst enemy. This is so heartfelt and I’m bookmarking this for whenever I need a reminder. 🙂