The Year that Was, and Everything in Between
It's that time of the year again when people write their resolutions, change their hairstyles, using the hashtag #NewYearNewME. I don't fault anyone for wanting to change 'cause I've always been the type to do the same.
I can't say that 2017 was the best year. So many things happened that we had to delay a lot of plans that we had.
- It was the year that we had a hard time budgeting our household income. I guess I'll have to blame my dedication in fulfilling my personal goal of that year - to travel out every single month. But to be honest, that really wasn't the case.
- I had to put-off blogging, writing and starting a business due to some pressing matters I had to take into my own hands.
- I had a lot of episodes that really brought out my depression.
It's every mom's responsibility to try to keep things together in our household, and luckily enough, with [Bobby & my] our joint efforts, we made it alive and breathing.
I mean, it was the year we had the most opportunities to travel. We found ourselves out of town, or around the metro every single month. Bobby has driven the stretch of Luzon Island ~ from the tip of Pagudpud (Ilocos Norte) down to Donsol (Sorsogon) literally.
2017 was a year of pain, trials, but also a year of learning
I can't say it was easy. But I could say that I learned so much about myself, family and life with everything that transpired in the year that was. I don't want to write too much, but I do want to share a few of the lessons I learned.
1. Patience is a virtue.
Virtue manifests itself in action. More explicitly, an action counts as virtuous, according to Aristotle, when one holds oneself in a stable equilibrium of the soul, in order to choose the action knowingly and for its own sake. It is this very act that constitutes to character.
I failed at many things. People betrayed my trust. Life put me through so much tests. But I found my limits expanding each time I was at the brink of breaking, of giving up. I wondered what was keeping me together? Was it sheer faith? Determination? Maybe ayoko lang mapahiya? But I remember my best friend telling me,
I've live a life taking shit from people, not because I was a pushover but I was hopeful that things would turn around. I was so patient with a lot of people, even those close to my heart because I love them. Love makes you do crazy things, and it will reveal the enormous strength and patience you actually have. I learned that when you have enough patience, even if it takes 10 million years, your dreams & goals will actualize. Life will suddenly show you the path it has set for you. It's not one straight line, but it definitely leads somewhere. As Aristotle would believe, “Patience is bitter, but the fruit is sweet.”
2. When you're stuck, look at things in a new way.
Have you ever asked yourself, "Was it a bad day? Or was it a bad twenty minutes that you milked all day?"
I was never really good at dealing with a bad day, rather, the bad few minutes I experience within my daily life. When things would go downhill, I sulk, cry, get angry, and then become this ticking emotional bomb, waiting to explode. I was always good at making my day worse. It's been a natural thing for me to point out the worse in any situation. I guess this is why I was diagnosed.
Kidding aside, 2017 taught me to see things from its different perspectives. I put perspective with an "s" because there is no one, or two, way(s) of looking into something. When you catch yourself in a bad situation, thinking about what good you see out of it? Or try remembering something good prior to the shitty situation you found yourself in. It's all about reframing.
Bobby always tells me, "Babe, try to breathe before jumping into conclusions. Assess the situation before you let your emotions take over your everything." That's something I'm taking with me to 2018 (and the years after) so I can stay sane.
3. It's okay if you can't do everything.
Feeling guilty, especially when you're a parent, is something you find yourself in.
I feel guilty whenever I don't get to spend time with my son.
I feel guilty when I do other things in front of him.
I feel guilty when I feel like I'm glued to my laptop or phone the whole day.
I feel guilty when I have me-time.
I feel guilty when I'm out with friends, and when I leave Yñigo behind.
I feel guilty when I'm on date night with Bobby.
I feel guilty when I find myself putting more time in work, rather than being a mom to him.
The truth is it's okay to feel this way, but you shouldn't let your #momguilt, or whatever you're feeling, get in the way of what matters. Leaving your son at home a few hours for me-time is something you actually need to do... especially when you want to keep sane and feel re-energized. If you're doing OT in the office, well, we need to give them a comfortable life, right? If you're trying to go on date night, well, that's needed naman for any couple to keep their relationship strong; to keep the flame burning.
Just make sure to use your time way. Time-management is key. You don't have to do everything all at once, and when you feel like you have to give up something whenever you do something else, well that's normal. It's okay if you can't divide yourself into 10 people. Just be happy that you get opportunities within the day, the week or the month to spend time doing whatever you love. To be with the people you love, and to be in touch with yourself.
4. Forgive, and let go.
This was probably one of the things I struggled learning. I can easily tell someone I forgive them, but it takes a while for my heart to let go, and heal. You see, I've been hurt so many times in my life. I don't think I'm gullible. I genuinely think, though, that people (myself included) deserve numerous chances in life. Well, hmmmm. Thinking about it - this might be case-to-case. More often than so, that's what I exercise... what I live out.
So imagine finding myself really fucking disappointed of so much shit that went down last year, hearing these people apologize, and them doing it again. I use "them" because marami-rami sila. It was a cycle I couldn't stop.
I intervened when they asked for help, then they stab me at the back.
I give my everything, and they still lied.
I show dedication in keeping shit together, but I end up being abused.
I try to understand them even when they don't want to let me in.
I asked the Universe, prayed to the Him, and did all I could. I felt that each time I forgave someone, I just ended up giving them a free pass to hurt me again. Pero wala kang magagawa kung mahal mo sila eh.
This is what the Universe teaches us to do - never give up, but learn to let go. Alam mo na eh... ayaw mo lang tanggapin.
Mahirap talaga tanggapin ang mga bagay-bagay, lalu't lalo na kung hindi mo siya inaasahang mangyari. But learn everything from it, then when you're ready, let go.
That's basically it. I learned much more than the ones I shared, but hey, the learning never stops.
Cheers to the new year!
to writing more and sharing with you all that was, that is and will be.